flux (noun): continuous change; instability
(verb): an obsolete word for purge
IN FLUX is about the process. It is about breathing, openness, vulnerability, fear, sadness, joy, and love. It is about leaning into these emotions and experiencing them fully, regardless of how uncomfortable it is. It took me months to figure out how to go with my own flow, to find the balance between challenging myself and scaling back to make something that feels right. I've been working on pieces ranging from 6 inches to 5 feet tall. I started out painting with mostly black, then blues and greens. One day, I’ll hate pink, and the next I’ll decide it belongs in everything.
I'm sure many of you see fun, colorful work, shimmering acrylics, and stippling. Serenity captured in circles of ink and marker. Some people see faces, jellyfish, or a tropical bird. These circles mean something else to me. Sometimes, they represent feeling trapped by emotion. Stuck in waves of contrasting feelings that clash and get muddy when mixed. Feeling small. There are tiny pockets that have the life sucked out of them, and rivers that are so deep they seem bottomless. Sometimes there are attempts to cover this mess with structure. With beautiful little dots and patterns that shine and distract you from what lies beneath them. These images are of joy that is fleeting and depression that lingers. They are about the battle I face every day; the struggle to find the beauty that surrounds me when I am feeling lost and alone. This is the darkness.
But, there is another side to the flow. There is hope. There is openness, weightlessness, and endless possibilities. There are things that make the world stop turning. There are moments when I’m working that the world doesn’t even exist. It’s just me and my art. It becomes a direct extension of me, fading in and out, dancing. Ink covers my hands and I get completely lost in the process, the music, the movement. My muse whispers in my ear, guiding me over to the colors that feel right. To the colors that push me just a little farther, that make me a little more vulnerable. My muse is kind, caring and encouraging. He lets me know it’s safe to open up more. To lean in and feel my experiences. To explore my limits. He reaches parts of me I thought were lost and brings them back to life, full force, breathing, gaining strength, growing, opening. Here, there is a space for vulnerability and pure emotion. A part of my soul is laid down in colors and shapes and structure. In these moments I am so grateful. The core of me I kept so dark and closed off is reached and turned into light. I am reassured and reminded of balance. I feel like I’m wrapped up in a hug and find I’m in a safe place to be myself. My confidence is awakened again, and I remember who I am. This is the light.
IN FLUX is a visual reminder. Remember to feel. Remember to breathe. Remember to dance. It is a reminder that keeps me balanced.